Bonjour mon ami

I substituted for a French class today and I learned how to say that. I am assuming that is even the way to write it. It means Hello, my friends. I hope that this post finds you all well. I kinda look forward to writing these things. Even if me, Gordo, Bones, and the CIA are the only ones reading it, its still a highlight for me. This week has been quite the blessing. God has been so faithful. I cannot explain how good God is. Not because of what He has done for me, even though he has done a lot, but because He is good. Isn't that awesome to say out loud. God, You are good. He has no better description. He is good. In a world that is so not good, He Is. In a world created by Good for Good, where evil exist and God is ignored, He Is. In a world that rejects truth and invites chaos, He Is. He Is Good. Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you as it was on my heart and driving me today.

The Adam Goes To Bosnia Show made two stops this weekend, one in Lincolnton, NC @ Long Shoals Wesleyan Church and the second at First Wesleyan Church in Forrest City, NC. I must say that these two stops were two of my favorite. I am really connected to the church in Lincolnton as two of my roommates from college are affiliated with that church and I have been there several times. So, I knew a lot of the people there. It was great. First Wesleyan was great too, as they had a missions night for their church. In the Fellowship Hall (yeah I know that, that is one of those old school phrases so we will refer to it as a Family Life Center from now on) they had tables set up with food from other countries. It was great as we all mingled around and talked and ate. Then they gave me a chance to just share about Bosnia and World Hope and what I will be doing in Livno. They were asking great questions and were really into what is going on in Bosnia. I was so stoked.

I wanted to kind of give you a recap of where I have been so far. I have visited my own church in High Point (Hayworth Wesleyan), United, First in Gastonia, Denton (man, I love that place), First in Cherryville, Long Shoals, and First in Forrest City. I am still planning to go to Liberty in Harmony, NC, Chichester United in Philly, and Missionary in Forrest City yet again. I am looking forward to them as well. Thanks so much to those who have already supported me financially or through your prayers. They have been felt.

You make me nervous, throat dry, my brain is empty, don't know why

I have really been into the Book of Psalms for the last little while. I am amazed how David and the other writers focused on confession. Its my hesistation to let on that I have no weaknesses or doubts. So when I write in these crazy blog things or are expected to share my, what do you call them, oh yeah, feelings with people, I am not expected to show weakness, brokeness, and God forbid confess anything. Derek Webb has been rocking my world lately and on his House Show CD, he has a song about confession. Now if anyone knows or has heard DW live then you know he talks. He talks a lot. And for the most part, its really good stuff, and then some days you're like, come on man I want to hear a song. Well, House Show is not one of those times. For me, that CD is full of good music and great spoken word. Anyways, so the song called "I Repent" has a great lead in by DW and he is simply talking about confession.

I say all that to say 2 things. One, you should all check out DW, he's great. Two, God really hit me last night of how I spend so much time and energy trying to convince everyone that I am "ok" spiritually. For some reason because I have worked at a church for a few years or because I am leaving to go live and work in Bosnia I am not supposed to be weak. I wish I could with a clear conscience tell you that things are great and I trust God completely and that I am holy. However, that is not the truth, but for some reason, I am not supposed to say that.

I am not supposed to feel that.

You are not supposed to hear that...

But the reality of it is that I am weak, I do still doubt God, and I am not holy. I thank God so much that David and the other writers of the Psalms was so bold and broken to admit to God and eventually the entire church they were still in need. So with that said, I want to do a little confessing of my own. Please know that this is not polished and could be added to daily if not hourly, but its a start in direction to recovery. Read it in a Bob Dylan sort of way (that is, not in style but in content)...

I repent of my doubt that fills my soul
The world that I look to, to make me whole
For my mind living in fantasy lands
I repent of my will, my confidence, my plans

My Jesus, You seem far too small, forgive me
My God, You seem far too gone, draw near me
My Spirit, You seem far too dead, revive me
My Love, you seem so selfish, forget me

I repent of the things in, my body takes
Of the weight of sin that my flesh makes
I repent of my pride and my self
My doubt in God, my doubt in his wealth

My Jesus, too small, forgive me
My God, too distant, draw near me
My Spirit, too dead, revive me
My love, so selfish, forget me

I am so happy to say that in God I find myself Its in Jesus Christ that I am fulfilled, forgiven, and redeemed. Thank you so much Papa. "This is love, that you would die for me."

Fundraising is going well and I getting so excited about leaving. I wish it were tomorrow, but until it is actually tomorrow, I will have to wait. Thanks for listening (reading) and let me know what you think.

The world is a vampire, sent to drain...

I praise the Lord for His presence in my life. I have had one of those weeks when I felt very distant from God. He invaded my mind and reminded me of His pursuit and presence in my life. I praise the Lord that even though this world wants to drain me of my joy and hope, that God sends His presence to remind otherwise.

I hate those times when you feel like you are "doing" everything right and you still a void in your heart. I have been going through that recently. That all this pursuit of others' salvation is so burdensome and not passionate, that the personal relationship I have with Christ is all work and no play, that God is this great friend that I have but in spite of my efforts, He is just not my Lord. I hope I don't sound heretical, but that is the feeling that I have been having lately. And then God in all His humility and power (amazing how He posseses both) sat me down and reminded me that I cannot base my pursuit of Christ around my self. That if I do I will fail because that is what Adam and all of humanity is prone to do. But instead I must pursue His unfailing love and allow that to be the backbone of my faith. Too much focus put into our faith rather than what we have faith in, that is where the power is.

God simply reminded me of His power and provisions and how He really wants a relationship with me. He does not want some burdensome legalistic, religious interaction with Him, but He reminded me that in deed, He wanted to interact with me personally. I praise the Lord for that! Pray for me that I will not focus on my circumstance when pursing the Lord, but rather I will focus on the fact that God does love me and does pursue after me as well.

Now, that is off my chest. Fundraising is still going well. It appears that I am right on time if not a little ahead. I do pray that it all comes in and ASAP. The waiting is hard, however, you never know, God may have me waiting to prepare me for something I do not understand yet. So I will remain faithful, however still waiting expectantly to go. Ah, the paradoxes the Christian faith produces. Thanks for the prayers and have a great week.

A Jar of Peanut Butter and Old Crow Medicine Show...

What a combo. Well, here is the long awaited update to my blog. I know that many of you have been chomping at the bit to see all of Adam's feelings poured out like a drink offering for all the world to see. However, I am not sure if this blog will satisfy all of those desires.

This week has been great. I subbed a little bit as well as work at the church (both very beneficial for me). I also saw my perfect little baby niece dedicated to Jesus this morning at my sister and brother-in-law's church. That was awesome and I know they will certainly abide to the commitment they made this morning. I also had a chance to share about World Hope and Bosnia to a group today in Gastonia. I am finding it hard to share all the good things World Hope is doing around the world in such a small amount of time. Nonetheless, I will continue on hoping that some will feel burden to partner in the work going on through World Hope.

I have recently been in the book of Genesis and Exodus and its mind boggling to see how God worked back then. I know that God is the same yesterday, today and forever, but He certainly interacted with His people differently then. I was reading about the Passover feast that the Jews had to prepare. It was so odd the things they had to do and the order in which they had to do them. I did some reading on it and have actually been a part of a Passover Feast, so I understand the meaning of each element and why they had to do those things. However, they had to be so maticulous in what they did, and it makes me wonder that my 20th century White American background may prevent me from fully understanding a B.C. Jewish ritual, and I am ok with that. I have learned so much about simple odedience from those books. I know they had several gods to choose from in that culture and yet they chose to follow YAWEH. The situation is no different today as we too have many gods to follow and the One True God wants our allegiance. I am so glad God is leading me through the O.T. so that I can see how simple people's simple obedience eventually led to Christ and all His works.

How can my simple obedience also then be used to bring Jesus Christ into a world that needs him?

Here are some thoughts. Quite possibly, more to follow.